Sucks

So fuckin' much. It hurts inside.
It sucks to feel too hard and see oneself unable to rip it out: the feeling.
It's a shame to see the big hole full of that we thought we wanted, that we every day enjoy... and want more.
It sucks to have no control. It's a flaw to let it out: always... and it sucks to feel the shame after the big boom... and realize it wasn't that big, it wasn't that important, not at all... and want more.
My flaw, mi gift: I always speak/write what I feel towards some people. Speak my mind? I doubt it. It's more like: puke my heart. And it sucks.
Sometimes a nice answer comes, retribution I guess, for feeling so nice about some people and telling them so. But it fades and all that remains is the shame.
It shouldn't be so hard to keep my mouth shut, my fingers tight inside my fist and, instead of writing nonesenses, hit some wall and turn it red: the feeling.
Maybe better it would be to just live and love the life I have, the people around and the person next to me.
A shame that there are others. Were. Will be.